Babyshower Obligations

These two amazing words “Baby Shower” can stir up so many different feelings. Happiness, delight, excitement or dread, unpleasantness, irritation… and the list can go on. How can someone dread a baby shower or feel irritation or unpleasantness you may ask. And I will answer ; ) One can easily dread a baby shower if they are the ones expected to throw this joyous event and they just flat out do not want to for one reason or another. This leads me into something else. How can someone be expected to throw a shower? Well that’s where family or friendship obligations come into play. A mother or mother in law might feel it is her “duty” to throw a baby shower. And in some cases, it probably is. But what if this expected person has no creativity nor money to throw a shower? This said person might not be at all excited  about the upcoming event. They may fear the mommy to be being disappointed. Or they may fear having to shell out lots and lots of money that they do not have to impress people that they don’t even like.

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Back in the old days, baby showers were pretty simple I think. It was just a pleasant little gathering with some finger foods, some gifts, a few games, a little pleasant conversation, advice to the future mommy.. But now a days, with Pinterest becoming so popular it seems that everyone is trying to outdo everyone else, whether it be with the decorations, the food, the actual gift or maybe even the gift wrapping! It has taken most of the pleasantness out of these gatherings. Quite honestly, I know several people who dread baby showers. Even going to them, let alone throwing the actual gathering. It seems that now its not about truly getting together to celebrate the new little bundle of joy or to help the new parents out with some necessary baby items. It seems like it is all about showing off and outdoing the last party/present. With this severe sense of competition, it’s no wonder unpleasant feelings such as dread, frustration, irritation come up when someone announces an upcoming “Baby Shower”.

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Let’s Talk About Obligations

Who is truly “obligated” to throw a baby shower? Honestly, no one. But I know people like to point fingers and “obligate” someone to throw one. I think a mother, mother in law, sisters, sisters in law, cousins, maybe aunts, or close friends… those people probably feel the most obligated. And sure, maybe it’s their “duty” as a relative or friend… but who assigns this “duty”? Society? God? Status? I think it’s mainly our natural need to impress, to feel some sense of acceptance or accomplishment. Sad really. Why do we feel like we “have to” do something that we really don’t want to? That’s such a crummy feeling.

I think if you are pregnant, and you would like a baby shower thrown for you, you should have a nice, honest conversation with those people closest to you and see if maybe one of them (or even a few of them) would be HAPPILY willing to throw you a shower. Do not make anyone do it out of obligation. You will hate it. They will hate it. It will not be a pleasant experience. I’ve know people who have thrown their own baby showers, and by golly, they turned out wonderfully!! When someone is forced to do something against their will (such as throwing a shower), you know that their heart and soul will not be in it. They will be doing it with hard, unpleasant feelings (possibly resentment).. and nothing good ever comes out of that. Yeah, you might get a party and few presents. But would it really be worth it losing precious friendships over some pacifiers or socks that I’m pretty sure you are more than capable of buying yourself?

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Another thing. How many baby showers are people really “obligated” to throw for one person? What if someone is popping out babies left and right lol? Can they really expect someone to throw them a shower every time? I believe that people should probably have 1 maybe 2 baby showers tops… (obviously there are different circumstance that would change that… maybe you have family in two different parts of the state or even country? Maybe both sides of the families really want to throw you a shower in each different location. If they really want to, then by all means, enjoy it!!) I think that fresh new parents, having their 1st baby should probably get a shower. Not an obligated shower, but a pleasant one. They are starting out new, and most likely have not a single baby item in their house. So throwing them a baby shower would be quite a blessing. Or, if the couple already have a child and it is a boy, they find out they are pregnant with a girl. They could probably use a baby shower to add some pinks and purples to their household. But if they are pregnant with a 2nd baby of the same gender, I do not believe that anyone is obligated to throw them a shower. They should be able to reuse pretty much everything from their 1st baby and should be able to buy their own additional items. They can’t need too much more.

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It’s driving me (and plenty of other people I know) bonkers that all these people are having babies and they are EXPECTING (haha, pun intended ; ) someone to throw them a baby shower and not just a plain simple one. Everyone wants something more elaborate than anyone else. And they don’t want your simple gifts like onesies and diapers. They are registering for BOB strollers and cribs and insanely expensive things (being very loud about the specific brands and such that they want) and won’t take anything less. Well, they’ll take it with an unpleasant face and grumble about it. But they are not happy with simple things anymore. I think it is very wrong for people to expect things of others, especially when they are not willing to give themselves. They want a fancy schmancy blowout baby shower with very, very expensive gifts. But are they willing to help throw the shower? Or throw a shower for another couple? Or buy expensive gifts? Nope. They just want to take, take, take. It’s so frustrating!! Who wants to go to a shower, spend their precious time, their very needed money for someone who is going to be ungrateful?!? Not me!

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So I’m gonna close for the moment… I got lots more to say, but I’ll save it for my next post. I wanna leave you with this: be pleasant. Let this baby stage be a happy one for you and for everyone around you. There’s no need to be greedy or over the top. You enjoy life way more when you enjoy it simply. Simple is pleasant, nothing wrong with not having a BOB stroller or the fanciest crib. Just love your baby and love the people around you. Be a pleasant person, and you will have plenty of people offering you things, whether to throw you a shower, or just cook you dinner, babysit, or just buy you gifts once in a while. Pleasant people attract others to them. Snobs… well, we all know how we feel about snobs…..